dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
