I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
