good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
