Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
