grandma shit on top of the toilet
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
