I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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