Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You pole danced in your parka.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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