Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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