Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
