worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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