I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
