I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
