i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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