Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize