My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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