This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
