i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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