some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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