if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
