all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i dont even know how to be here
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
