he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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