i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
