Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
