I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
