I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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