Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
