I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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