Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
