so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
