I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
