Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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