He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize