I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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