What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
