Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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