There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
