yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's always time for handjobs
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
