Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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