If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
