Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
