Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
