Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize