I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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