I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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