he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
