I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
