shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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