Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
