Yo dont text me then not text me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
