'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
