Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
