what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
