Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I looked at my own cervix.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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