I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
