We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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