cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
