Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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