He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
