Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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