youre lurking in front of me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
