Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
