I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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