FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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