So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize