i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
