Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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