i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
