theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
