I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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