Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
