Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My ATM looks so different sober.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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