Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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