Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
