C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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