i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
