how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
