i think my tv is drunk
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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